Adoption Timeline

 

Psalms 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

 

 

With our adoption wait nearly over, I thought I'd share the timeline with you and more importantly share what all the Lord has done to encourage this journey.  Some of it may be a little overlap because I posted about the beginning of our journey last summer.

I may have posted that the day that we finalized Asher's adoption, we also told our social worker to keep us on the list to adopt again.  Asher was only 6 months old, but we knew that it would likely be a long wait and the fact that our homestudy was still valid, helped. 

Throughout 2008-2009, she kept in contact, we moved, and once we were settled a few months she let us know that it would be "better if we chose an agency in Nebraska." 

Winter 2010  We contacted an adoption agency in Nebraska, met with a gentleman in our home from that agency, went forward with all criminal background checks, fingerprints, doctor letters, etc. and then had a terrible time communicating with him...we would email and call but never hear back.  It was a strange thing, even for us - who have had some wild communication-adoption stories.  We knew they were still in existence because we would hear this agency advertise on our local radio station.  Just bizarre.  Excitedly found out that we were pregnant with Micah so stopped pursuing the agency for a bit, and brought home a *homegrown* baby.

Spring 2011  I get a call from the agency from a lady who said she was sorry that our paperwork was "lost" and she had just found it, would we still be interested in adopting? 
"Why, yes we would!  But, not with you, thanks."  Never, ever use an agency that "loses" paperwork.  For. A. Year.

We still prayed about adopting, still had a desire, but also knew that we were due to move in the Fall of 2012 (or so we thought :)).Adoption paperwork can be a headache, switching addresses would make it a nightmare.  Plus, every state has different requirements and not every agency works with families out of state.

May 2012  A miracle happened and we found out that we would be staying in one location and not moving after all, mixed with a year of trying to get pregnant with no success, led us to believe that we could get more serious about pursuing adoption.  (Most agencies will not work with you if you are pregnant or have a baby. I have a friend who jokes about multiple babies and how it's a good thing that the hospitals release more than one baby at a time to those precious parents.)  We prayed, researched and contacted 8 different agencies and even considered fostering again.  I already wrote a post about our agency convictions, so I won't repeat myself. 

June 1, 2012  The winner is Deaconess Pregnancy and Adoption Services out of Oklahoma and we apply.

June 15  Fingerprints drama, we called ahead and were told that they'd be open and arrived to be told they were closed, fire alarms and prisoner uprising so we were asked to come back later (uh, sure ;)).  The officer couldn't figure out the fingerprint machine as he stood there eyes and skin burning from pepper spray (must have been quite a riot).  I prayed fervently for an "angel of competence" for 30 minutes!  Another officer arrived , hooked us up, and charged us NOTHING ($40 savings)

June  18 Doctor letters and charged only one co-pay ($160 savings)

June 20  The same hour that I prayed that our social worker be kind, efficient and "normal" (oh the stories we could share!) I received an email from our friends from Arizona (love you,  Hobrocks) who just happen to have used her when they adopted their beauties from China.  They wrote great things about her!  Thank you God!

June 22  Paperwork out. At first we were told that it would be a few more days to get our HIV test results, so we thought it wasn't going to happen...but there are advantages to being married to a pastor of small towns.  He checked on one of his youth who had been in the hospital and the last of the lab results are given to us as we visit.  Hot potato sent out!  (That's how we've always referred to our adoption paperwork!  It's like a hot potato that we just want to get sent out.)

July 13  Last of reference letters received.  (This is always a humbling request of friends and family, we beg them to write how they feel about our parenting and adopting another child.)  Also on this day, Chad and I shared about our adoption experiences with one of our churches for their annual LWML salad supper.  We prayed our words brought encouragement.

July18  + pregnancy test, Eucharisteo = thanksgiving.  But honestly a little torn, happy but already had heart set on adopting.
24  Share with our agency and all paperwork goes on hold, into file

Aug 15  Continuation of desperate prayers for Chad's Air Force application process
19  Share baby news with kids, so so exciting - love their hearts
27  Sad day, the ultrasound finding out that there was no heartbeat - our baby Jess had died
31  The physical part of losing an 11 week old preborn baby begins

Sept 24  Visit with social worker regarding easing into the adoption process
(She is amazing, valid concerns regarding our healing.  She knocks out all visits in three weeks)

Oct 11  Chad swears in as Lieutenant- prayers are answered, oh how we longed for this to be sooner but this is a SIGNIFICANT part of God's plan for our family and confirmation about adoption timing 
12-13  Travel to Oklahoma and are completely impressed with agency's informational meeting
17  Knock out new stack of required paperwork, pray over photo book and all families who view it, write letter to birthparents = all day job

Nov 1  Sent off $1750 agency fee/find out that Chad is eligible for a chaplain BONUS - read carefully...$10,000 (which is more like $7000 after taxes ;)) for any chaplain who swore in after the beginning of the fiscal year which started October 1st  (he swore in on the 11th!) - so we had prayed desperate prayers from May- Oct, not understanding WHY it was taking so long to hear from the military...OUR GOD knew we needed that $ for this adoption

God does this with every one of our adoptions- something big- and I have to confess I was really struggling with going forward with this adoption, lots of questioning and healing going on, Chad was much more excited about "seeing what God would do this time" and I had to confess my hesitancy to God (He already knew of course)  This bonus was so humbling, such confirmation to move forward and allow my heart to be less guarded.  It was also another very good lesson on submission for me. 

20  Letter from agency, we're officially "waiting!"
30 Our photos and birthparent letter appear on agency's website

Dec 12 Update from agency
18  A good friend, who has just brought home a newly adopted blessing with the same agency, mentions something about our profile not being in the same batch as theirs and I double check our paperwork - I had made a mistake on our form about our "desired child"  Yikes!  We get that changed and realize how big of a blessing it was because this way we weren't always being shown to the same birthparents.  Our agency sends an email after our changes and then writes on the bottom, "We'll talk soon!"  (exciting!)

Jan 17  We had all gathered around our bed praying for our new addition, which was Evan's idea, knowing that a baby was Chad's birthday request **we now know our little one would have already been cooking in her birthmother's womb and Daddy's prayer request really was answered ;). Also on this day we get another agency update with details about new babies born/due

25  Lots of excitement, I had sent a "thank you" to the agency director letting her know that the updates are very encouraging, we've never worked with an agency who keeps their waiting families so connected - Debbie from our agency would like to use that thank you for facebook and Deirdre, the director says to "expect a call very soon because they are experiencing a record number of birthmothers"

Several very hard weeks of struggling with our baby loss

Feb 6  Director from agency calls with news of birthmother who is very interested in our family  ~ I was just shaking after getting off the phone
7  Director sends additional email with specific details about the birthmother and her family
15  Notice that there are only 6 "waiting families" on the website
22  Pack hospital/travel bags
26  Update from agency: Since Jan there have been 16 placements, 1 disruption (oh how we've prayed this is not part of our story), 2 pending along with 14 expecting - out of those there are 3 matched, 5 undecided and 6 reviewing profiles

Mar 2  Email from director, birthmother from January's call had been pressured to parent  - Also receive call from Heather at the agency wondering if we'd be interested in allowing our profile to be shown to another special case
18 Agency update: Working with 18 birthmothers, 4 have adoption plans
25 Jess' due date, God is at work with healing - I was loved on with surprise flowers, emails, cards and remembrances

April Chad leaves for 6 weeks so we have a plan if we get a call

May 16 Holly from agency calls about another potential birthmother

July Disbelief that we are still waiting, but completely trust God with it all

August 20 Nine months since we had officially been waiting...we had been camping and my cell phone was off, the home phone rang and it was Bonni from our agency with the words, "You have been chosen!"  Chad was at a community meeting, and I was in complete shock trying to write down notes.  The birthmother chose ours out of a stack of 4-5 that fit her requests.  We find out that she is due in a month with a baby GIRL!
The rest of the week is exciting as we pack for our vacation PLUS prepare for a baby!  We wanted to be ready, thinking we'd be getting home 2 weeks before her due date.
24-31 Vacation, traveling to New York, friends, my sister's wedding
4AM, Sept 1st (Eleven days after "the call"- 2 weeks ) My phone vibrates and I call back to hear Bonni tell me, "The baby's on it's way!"  Packing up the camper, ordering plane tickets to get from NY to OK, quick goodbyes and we are on our way.  I fly and arrive by suppertime to meet our tiny angel and Chad aka Superdad/Super-excited-dad travels with 7 kids through 7 states in less than 24 hours!

And our 8th little miracle is added...
Next month we should be able to finalize her adoption in court.  I wish I could say that we held her and everything has been non eventful since that moment, but that's not her story.  We have had quite a few ups and downs, with an amazing set of miracles.  I've also left off the total of what our adoption ended up costing...we haven't sat down to figure it lately, we journal that on a separate spread sheet.  We've had additional lawyer fees with this adoption (because we've had to include payment for two lawyers at a rate of $175/hour) but I'm happy to report that we didn't have to borrow any $ yet again.  God is good, He provides. 

Here's a quick list of blessings and miracles:
*very dear nurses, who were very loving and supportive
*a Christian doctor who delivered her and got to know us
*a Christian anesthesiologist, whose wife owned a bakery/outreach in town and blessed us several times with prayers (and treats)
*a precious birthmother whose heart changed and now desires to be in our/her life, who went to court to give a consent for us to adopt her
*extra time to visit with that birthmother and even go out for ice cream and drop her off at her home
*a hotel right across from the hospital where we could eat at the cafeteria inexpensively
*complete protection from a prison outbreak and airplane crash, all within a half mile from our hotel
*military discount on our hotel stay, sweet staff who loved on our kids
*the most amazing salt water, non-chlorinated heated indoor pool where we had ample time to teach the youngest three how to swim (have to include both the major and minor details :)
*and of course, the incredible agency staff who were professional and loving during the most emotional parts of this journey - we felt so cared for

Due to fingerprint glitches and paperwork timing, we were in Oklahoma for an entire MONTH - (longest wait is usually 2 weeks) and though it was lengthy and we cried out for the Lord to work it to get us home, we realized that it was a blessing to get to bond with her all those weeks with few distractions and we were able to attend a meeting face to face with our agency regarding a serious subject - another member of her birthfamily was planning to fight for rights to parent her AND they had hired a lawyer with intentions of taking it through the court system.  We found that out the day before our paperwork was cleared and we were given the blessing to GO HOME!

Oct 1 Arrival home, which felt so so good...but with a baby that may get to stay...but may not - I can barely put into words that feeling of trying to guard your heart from a possible loss, while being SO IN LOVE

We knew that the 17th of November was going to be a court session to decide who would get custody.  We had every believer we KNEW praying, and then the biggest miracle occurred...right at the last minute...

on the evening of the 16th as Chad was heading out of state (he was 30 miles down the road), our lawyer called to let us know that he had very good news, he put us on 3 way calling and told us that the birthfamily had had a change of heart and wanted an open adoption...they wanted us to adopt Leah!  I cry just thinking about that day, I hit my knees numerous times in gratitude that God had worked a miracle.  Even our big boys cried.

Then two months later, I know, they signed the proper paperwork to make it possible for us to go forward to legally adopt her. :)  

Adoption = Not for the weary, always a faith growth experience!

**I also want to add that I can look back now and see how much healing was happening from the loss of our baby as we were in the painful waiting stage of this adoption...I needed that.  Also it is fun to mention that ALL of our paperwork stated that we desired an African American/biracial child and God had different plans for us...so similar to when we adopted in St. Louis - ALL of our paperwork said "sister" for Isabel and we brought home our precious Asher.  God knows better, and often I truly believe that He will lead us down one road to show us the one that He knows is a better "fit."  

 

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Colossians 1:11-12 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

1 Thessalonians 1:3 We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.